Christmas 2014

I never really knew how to spend Christmas. I always felt torn among spreading the gospel, celebrating, enjoying the season, showing my care for others, entertaining myself, and resting. Often times, I would be busy with church and family activities, and Christmas just went by quickly, all too quickly. Last Christmas was the first time I spent Christmas as a mother. Jo was baptized on Christmas Day so that made it a very special Christmas. This year, Jo is 14 months old, still too young to know what's going on and what Christmas means. And as we haven't settled down in a church, we don't have much engagement at all, especially as the majority of my family is away on a trip till Christmas day.
I figure it would be a good time to sum up 2014.
Two days ago was winter solstice. My brother-in-law saw me wearing a mask as I have been sick since a week ago (fighting allergic reactions to a pain killer as well as a cold that I got from standing in the bus-stop for 1.5 hour). He said sympathetically that I had a really bad year. At first, I couldn't figure out what he was referring to. I was thinking that catching a cold and having some allergic reactions weren't that bad. Then I realized, yes, my car was broken into with the front seat window smashed and my new phone stolen just a week ago. And then I noticed, oh yes, I had a pretty big career setback a few months ago.....and oh, there was also the unsuccessful pregnancy a few weeks ago......
Do I wish for a better 2015?
No, because that would mean I've missed all the blessings that come with the challenges in 2014.
The experience that I had this year was truly life-changing. I felt pure joy and peace overflowing in my heart, despite the circumstances. God has spoken to me so clearly through sermons that He wants to bring a miracle to me and in order for me to have the miracle, I needed to first go through uncomfortable territories. God "dried out the ravine" so that I would leave my current position without looking back. He then gave me clear vision that He's in charge so that I won't have to doubt and dwell on the current situation. He gave me the faith in Him and Him alone that He wants me to have an abundant life, not mere survival sustained by food brought by ravens. He spoke to me directly, "you need to go, and now is the time".
His peace is the peace that the world cannot give. It simply fills my heart, and it casts away all the sorrows, the grief, the anger, the regrets, the bewilderment, the worry, the self-doubt, and the fear. The joy and love that He grants me everyday give me strength to live each day by grace. Most importantly, this year's experiences reminded me not to put my trust and security in anything in this world. I've always been someone who embraces changes and takes risks to explore life. I think God is telling me to keep going, as life becomes stagnant once we try to "settle in". I think God wants me to continue to live, not just to exist; to explore, not just to sustain; to blossom, not just to survive.
Yes, I will remember 2014 as a year of miracle, in which I was refined and renewed.
May the precious gift of Jesus warm your heart this Christmas, and may you and your loved ones have new joy and hope brought by His amazing grace.